Trans and Gender-Expansive Sex and Intimacy Coaching
SF Bay Area and Online
When Pleasure Feels Hard to Access
Navigating a world of rigid binaries and expectations can make pleasure hard to access. Some who seek me out for intimacy coaching or surrogate partner therapy arrive feeling disconnected from their bodies or are unsure how to access pleasure in ways that feel authentic to them. Others have that knowledge, but carry shame or fear of judgment around those desires.
When Intimacy Feels Performative Instead of Authentic
We are all born with an innate sense of who we are, what feels right, and what does not. Years of social pressure, vigilance, shame, or adapting to other people’s expectations can make that inner knowing harder to hear. Intimacy can feel performative rather than connected. Vigilance or dissociation replace pleasure and connection.
Sex and Intimacy Coaching on Your Own Terms
This work is guided by curiosity toward your own innate understanding of yourself, helping you build a relationship with your body and sexual expression that feels affirming and joyful.
This work can support you in:
Softening shame, avoidance, or isolation so intimacy feels more accessible
Exploring what feels affirming in touch, language, pacing, erotic roles, and pleasure
Integrating changes from hormone therapy or surgery into your intimate and erotic life
Building comfort with touch and arousal
Staying present during intimacy rather than bracing, shutting down, or pushing through
Loosening inherited expectations around gender, sexuality, and all the messages from cis-hetero norms and other oppressive systems
Clarifying your desires, boundaries, and needs, and building the capacity to express them with ease
Building intimate relationships that feel collaborative and responsive
Reclaiming pleasure and erotic aliveness after sexual trauma or unwanted sexual experiences
Creating a more aligned and shame free relationship with your sexuality after purity culture conditioning and strict religious teaching
You Don't Have to Educate the Room Before You Can Be Supported
If intimacy and pleasure feels out of reach or complicated, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Explore my Coaching vs. Surrogate Partner Therapy page to see which path feels like a better fit.
When you’re ready, you’re welcome to schedule a free consultation. We’ll talk about what’s present for you now, what you want your relationship with your body and desire to feel like, and whether this work feels like the right fit.
A limited number of sliding-scale spots are reserved for BIPOC clients with financial need. I keep my practice small so I can give each person the depth of attention this work deserves.
Schedule a Consultation
FAQ for Gender-Affirming Sex and Intimacy Coaching
Is this work for trans, nonbinary, and gender-expansive people?
Yes, this work is specifically inclusive of trans, nonbinary, and gender-expansive people.
You don’t need a fixed or fully defined sense of your gender to begin. Your experience and self-understanding are what guide our work together.
Is this actually gender-affirming, or is that just a label?
This work is grounded in your experience rather than assumptions about your body, identity, sexuality, or desire.
Together, we explore what intimacy, touch, pleasure, and connection actually feel like for you, rather than trying to fit you into a model of how sex or relationships are “supposed” to look.
I experience gender dysphoria or discomfort in my body during sex and intimacy. Can this work help?
This work is designed to support these experiences. You do not need to feel fully comfortable in your body or gender identity before working with me.
There is careful attention to pacing and we work with what’s possible rather than forcing experiences that feel overwhelming. Sometimes that means starting with forms of touch or intimacy that feel more neutral or accessible and building from there.
Over time, many clients develop a more trusting and pleasurable relationship with their bodies and gender identity.
I've experienced sexual trauma. Can I do this work?
Yes. My approach is trauma-informed, which means we work with protective responses gently and collaboratively rather than treating them as obstacles to push through. Nothing is forced or rushed, and we stay within what feels emotionally and physically workable for you.
Can this work help me figure out what kinds of touch and intimacy actually feel affirming?
This is one of the main reasons people come to me for. We explore this through direct experience. Together, we pay attention to what creates tension, ease, pleasure, emotional connection, or a stronger sense of being yourself in your body.
How is gender-affirming intimacy coaching different from gender-affirming talk therapy?
Talk therapy often focuses on insight, emotional processing, and understanding patterns. My work focuses more directly on lived relational and embodied experience.
Rather than only talking about what you want, we explore the things you want with each other. Through experiential practice, you build new capacities for connection, pleasure, communication, and self-expression that carry into your every day life.