An Experiential Approach to Intimacy, Sex, and Relationships

The first session is mostly about getting a feel for each other and seeing whether this work feels like a good fit. You don’t need to prepare anything or tell me your entire life story. You can share as much or as little as you want.

We’ll talk about what’s bringing you here. I might guide you to slow down and notice what is happening inside of you as you share. We explore something experiential together. This will give you a sense of what working with me is like.

Nothing moves faster than your system is ready for.

I don’t follow a script, and what happens in session depends on what is alive for you that day. We always explore something experiential.

That can include things like noticing body responses in real time, practicing new ways of communication, working with boundaries, slowing down around intimacy, exploring touch, or trying different ways of relating while we’re actually interacting.

The focus is less on talking about change and more on having new experiences that can start carrying into your real relationships and daily life.

It means I’m actively engaging with you as your partner rather than sitting back as an observer.

We work with what’s happening between us in real time. I may share how you come across to me, what I notice happening relationally between us, where I feel connected to you, where I lose you, or what seems difficult for your system in moments of closeness or contact.

That kind of immediate feedback is often more useful than trying to figure things out afterward from failed dates, conflict, shutdown, or confusion.

I’m showing up as the real me, not pretending to be a neutral blank state. That’s the only way this work is effective. I may share parts of my experience, preferences, reactions, or life when it supports the work. I also give direct feedback about how you impact me relationally, because that’s often similar to how other people experience you too.

I also model consent by only engaging in touch or intimacy that I genuinely want and feel comfortable with.

Instant chemistry and attraction does not need to be there for this work to be meaningful. A lot of people actually struggle because they’ve learned to rely entirely on spark or validation to feel connected.

The focus here is more on presence, honesty, emotional connection, embodiment, and your ability to stay engaged in intimacy with another person. Sometimes attraction grows naturally through that. Sometimes it doesn’t. Either way, meaningful work can still happen.

AI can be genuinely useful for information and self-understanding. What it can’t do is actually relate to you.

Your nervous system changes through interaction with another human: being seen, responded to, disappointing someone, wanting something, risking honesty, noticing reactions, navigating awkwardness, feeling closeness, staying present when something is actually at stake.

AI also tends to validate you and be overly flattering. It won’t be able to notice how you might be contributing to a pattern and say so directly. I will. Things don’t change without that kind of feedback.

Consent is ongoing, explicit, and something we actively work with throughout the process. Nothing happens automatically, and you can change your mind at any point.

Part of the work is learning to notice your real yes, your real no, hesitation, uncertainty, people-pleasing, shutdown, desire, or limits as they happen instead of overriding them automatically.

I’m also paying attention to how trauma, conditioning, gender, race, sexuality, disability, and power dynamics can affect someone’s ability to feel entitled to want, refuse, take up space, or have boundaries.

The Wheel of Consent is a framework created by Betty Martin that helps people understand boundaries, touch, desire, receiving, and consent in a much more real and practical way.

A lot of people go through intimacy without actually knowing what they want, what they’re okay with, when they’re people-pleasing, how to say no, how to receive without feeling guilty or performative, or whether they’re doing something because they genuinely want to or because they feel pressure.

The Wheel of Consent helps slow those moments down so you can notice what’s actually happening.

People often find it especially helpful if they struggle with shutdown, overgiving, difficulty feeling their own desire, confusion around consent, or feeling disconnected during intimacy.

The Somatica® Method is an experiential approach to sex, intimacy, and relationship coaching.

Instead of only discussing relationships, communication, attraction, boundaries, or intimacy in theory, we work with those things while they’re actually happening between us.

That can include practicing communication in real time, noticing body responses during connection, working with boundaries and consent, exploring desire, attraction, and intimacy, and learning how to stay present instead of shutting down, overthinking, or performing.

A lot of people already understand their patterns logically. The harder part is changing what happens in the moment when closeness, vulnerability, touch, or attraction become real.

That’s the part experiential work is meant to help with.

If you’re dealing with significant mental health symptoms or need diagnosis and pharmaceutical treatment, therapy is the right place to start. Many people work with a therapist and me at the same time, and the two can complement each other.