Sex and Intimacy Coaching for Sexual Trauma
San Francisco Bay Area and Online
When Intimacy Feels Unsafe
Past experiences have made closeness or sex feel overwhelming and out of reach. As a sex and intimacy coach and surrogate partner, I have seen how sexual trauma and unwanted sexual experiences can continue shaping the body long after the original experience is over. Instead of pleasure and connection, it’s common to experience dissociation, freezing, panic, or hypervigilance.
These Responses Are Not Failures, They’re Protective
These are protective responses the body learned for a reason. Trying to override them or forcing closeness will not make them disappear. In fact, pushing past what the body is communicating often creates even more shutdown and vigilance over time.
Sex and Intimacy Coaching for Sexual Trauma, At Your Pace
Nothing is rushed here. We move at a pace your body can actually stay with.
This work can support you in:
Recognizing protective responses as intelligent adaptations so self-judgment softens
Slowly building the ability to stay present in your body without shutting down, freezing, or becoming overwhelmed
Noticing old protective patterns and practicing new ways of responding that make connection feel more possible
Getting clearer on your boundaries and needs and forming the confidence to communicate them with clarity and steadiness
Staying with emotional connection without pulling away or disappearing
Moving toward touch and intimacy at a pace that feels chosen rather than pressured
Working with sexual difficulties connected to sexual trauma and unwanted sexual touch including low desire, erectile difficulties, difficulty with orgasm or arousal, pain during penetration, or finishing sooner than you want
A Gentle Invitation Forward
This work is grounded in choice. Nothing moves faster than you're ready for. If you are curious about support, take a moment to explore the Coaching vs. Surrogate Partner Therapy page to get a better sense of which approach may be the best fit for you.
When you’re ready, you’re welcome to schedule a free consultation. We’ll talk about where you are now, what feels difficult, and whether this work feels like the right fit.
I keep my practice small so I can give this work the attention it requires.
Schedule a Consultation
FAQ for Sex and Intimacy Coaching for Sexual Trauma
Why does my body react during intimacy even when I know I’m safe?
Trauma responses do not disappear just because part of you understands you are safe now. The body can still react to closeness, touch, vulnerability, or arousal as if danger is present.
This work helps your body slowly experience intimacy in new ways so connection no longer feels as overwhelming or threatening.
Why do I shut down or freeze during intimacy?
Freezing, going numb, dissociating, or emotionally pulling away are common protective responses after trauma.
These reactions are not signs that something is wrong with you. They are ways the body learned to stay safe. We engage in touch and closeness at a pace that doesn’t overwhelm your nervous system. Over time, your body learns that it does not need to rely on those same responses during connection.
I’ve done therapy, but intimacy and sex still feel difficult. Why?
Many people have processed their trauma intellectually. Sometimes, even though the mind knows something is over, the body is still carrying the charge of what happened.
Talking can create insight, but the body also needs opportunities to release those old survival responses and experience something different during intimacy and connection.
Why does intimacy feel overwhelming even when I want connection?
Wanting closeness and feeling overwhelmed by it can exist at the same time.
For many people, the nervous system learned that intimacy comes with danger, pressure, unpredictability, or emotional or physical pain. Even when connection is wanted, the body may still brace, or pull away automatically.
Why do I leave my body during sex or touch?
Dissociation is often the body’s way of protecting against overwhelm.
Instead of forcing presence, we work slowly and build your ability to stay connected to yourself in small, manageable ways. Over time, many people notice they can remain more emotionally and physically present during intimacy.
Can trauma affect erections, orgasm, arousal, or ejaculation?
Absolutely.
Trauma can shape how the nervous system responds during intimacy. Anxiety, vigilance, self-monitoring, or fear can affect erections, orgasm, arousal, ejaculation, and the ability to relax into pleasure.
This work focuses on helping the body feel less guarded so intimacy becomes less stressful and more connected.
Can trauma make penetration painful?
Yes. Pain during penetration, including vaginismus, is often connected to protective tension in the nervous system.
We work gradually with touch and sensation, so the body no longer has to brace in the same way during intimacy.
Can I rebuild trust with touch after trauma?
Yes. Many people are able to rebuild a relationship with touch over time.
Touch is approached gradually, with ongoing choice and clear agreements. The goal is not pushing past discomfort, but helping the body experience touch as something more connected and safe again.