Intimacy, Sex, and Relationship Coaching vs. Surrogate Partner Therapy
San Francisco Bay Area and Online
People often aren’t sure what the difference is between intimacy coaching and Surrogate Partner Therapy (SPT), especially because both are experiential and relational.
This page walks through the differences so you can get a better sense of what might feel most supportive for you.
What These Approaches Have in Common
Before getting into the differences, here’s what they share.
Both coaching and SPT involve working with me in a relational way. Think of me as a low-stakes partner to practice with and build all the capacities you need to be in a fulfilling, intimate relationship.
Two Paths, Different Structures
Click each card below to see what each path involves.
01 Intimacy, Sex, and Relationship Coaching 
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02 Surrogate Partner Therapy 
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A Surrogate Partner Is Not a “Sex Surrogate”
You may have found me by searching for a “sex surrogate.” That term is outdated and doesn’t reflect how contemporary surrogate partners approach the role now. The focus is not on sexual skills and abilities.
It’s on helping people learn the skills to co-create intimacy that feels mutual and responsive instead of performative and disconnected. This is done through experiential exercises around emotional awareness, intimacy, boundaries, desire, communication, and relational patterns.
If your primary goal is sexual activity itself, or just to practice sexual skills, a full-service sex worker would likely be a better fit for what you’re looking for.
Surrogate Partner Therapy Resources and Information
For Clients and Clinicians:
- The Embrace Resource Group is a collective of surrogate partners focused on education, outreach, and public understanding of Surrogate Partner Therapy. Their website includes podcasts, interviews, and educational material that can help clarify what this work actually looks like in practice and address some of the common misconceptions around SPT.
- If you’re interested in the history of SPT and how the field has evolved, my colleague Andrew Heartman offers a thoughtful overview in this article.
Additional Resource for Clients:
- Embrace offers informational calls for people who are curious about SPT before scheduling a consultation. For some, this feels like an easier first step.
Additional Resources for Clinicians:
- The Surrogate Partner Collective offers courses for clinicians interested in supporting clients through Surrogate Partner Therapy work. (AASECT CEs available)
- If you have questions about the ethics or legality of SPT, this in-depth write-up offers a clear overview. (Short version: SPT is not illegal, and there is no documented evidence of therapists’ licenses being jeopardized for collaborating with surrogate partners.)
- Embrace offers a consultation group for clinicians supporting clients in SPT.
Considering Next Steps
If you’re unsure which path feels right, a free consultation gives us space to talk through your questions and get a sense of what would feel most supportive.
I work with a relatively small number of clients at a time, so the consultation is also a way for both of us to feel into whether the fit feels right.
There’s no pressure to decide quickly.
Schedule a Consultation
FAQ for Sex, Intimacy and Relationship Coaching and Surrogate Partner Therapy
How do I know whether coaching or surrogate partner therapy is a better fit for me?
If you are still unsure after reading the information on this page, schedule a free consultation and we can figure it out together.
Some people know right away which path they want. Others need space to talk through their goals, what kind of support feels right, and how much structure they want around the process.
Is coaching and surrogate partner therapy available online?
Sometimes, yes. A lot depends on your goals and the kind of work we’re doing together.
Work around communication, emotional intimacy, embodiment, relationship patterns, anxiety, boundaries, sexuality, and connection can often happen online very effectively.
If touch or in-person experiential work feels important, some people choose a hybrid structure instead. That usually looks like ongoing virtual sessions combined with occasional in-person intensives in San Francisco.
We can talk through what makes the most sense for your situation during the consultation.
How long does coaching and surrogate partner therapy take?
It really depends. Some people come in with one very specific goal. Others are working with patterns that have been shaping their relationships, sexuality, body, or nervous system for a long time.
This work isn’t something that responds well to rushing. Real relational change tends to happen gradually through repetition, gradual trust, and lived experience.
How much does surrogate partner therapy cost?
We talk about fees during the consultation.
This work is typically more expensive than traditional talk therapy in the SF Bay Area because of my role. I’m not sitting back as a neutral observer. I’m actively engaged in the experience with you.
I also keep my practice intentionally small so I can stay present and emotionally available in the work.
Is surrogate partner therapy covered by insurance?
No. Surrogate Partner Therapy and intimacy coaching are both private pay services and are not covered by insurance.
If you’re working with a therapist as part of the triadic model, their sessions may be reimbursable depending on your insurance plan and licensure. That’s something to check directly with them.
How do I bring up surrogate partner therapy with my therapist?
Start by sharing the challenges you're experiencing around intimacy or connection. Let them know you’ve been learning about SPT as a possible form of support.
Most therapists won’t already know a lot about the triadic model, and that’s okay. They don’t need prior experience with it to have an open conversation. You’re also welcome to share resources from this page with them if that feels helpful.
What is the difference between a sex surrogate and a surrogate partner?
“Sex surrogate” is an outdated term people still commonly search for online. Today, most people in the field use the term surrogate partner instead because it reflects the work more accurately.
Contemporary Surrogate Partner Therapy is not mainly about teaching sexual technique or “practicing sex.”
The focus is more on things like:
- intimacy
- emotional connection
- boundaries
- communication
- body awareness
- vulnerability
- attraction
- nervous system responses during closeness
- learning how to co-create intimacy with another person
If you found this page searching for a sex surrogate in San Francisco because you want more fulfilling intimacy and connection, surrogate partner therapy may be a good fit.
If your primary goal is sexual activity itself or practicing sexual mechanics, this isn’t the right modality.
Is surrogate partner therapy legal?
Surrogate partner therapy is not illegal, and there is no documented evidence of therapists' licenses being jeopardized for collaborating with surrogate partners.
Is surrogate partner therapy the same as sex work?
No. Surrogate Partner Therapy is a structured, relationship-based process that focuses on emotional connection, relational patterns, embodiment, intimacy, and developing the capacity for mutual connection.
It’s not organized around sexual activity as an end goal in itself.
You mentioned sex work earlier. I’m worried about trafficking or exploitation. What should I know?
That concern makes sense, and it’s important to separate trafficking from consensual adult sex work because they are not the same thing.
Trafficking involves coercion, force, exploitation, or lack of agency.
Consensual sex work involves adults choosing the work for themselves and having control over their boundaries, rates, clients, and limits.
Like any profession, there’s a wide range of experiences and working conditions. Many sex workers approach their work thoughtfully and professionally. If you’re considering working with someone, reading their website, interviews, or public writing can help you get a sense of how they approach the work and whether it aligns with your values.