Hello, I’m Eileen (she/her), a sex and intimacy coach and surrogate partner. I didn’t come to this work because relationships or sex felt easy. I came to it because I struggled.
Raised in a Chinese and Taiwanese American immigrant household where achievement and self-sacrifice came first, the expectations of who I was supposed to be took hold early. This was at the expense of my own needs and desires. I became more comfortable being in charge and used competence as an armor, protecting myself against being seen as someone who has needs.
Like many high-achieving adults, I’ve lived with perfectionism, belonging, and a persistent sense of not being “enough.” That inner pressure found its way into my body and my intimate life. I experienced sexual pain and disappointment, and assumed that something was wrong with my body.
Relational, body-based work changed that. I learned how to listen to my inner experience and built relationships where my needs and limits were welcome. Intimacy stopped feeling like something to perform, and more like a choice. I saw what became possible when I connected with my own inner knowing, and those experiences shape how I work.
I work with people across genders and identities who want real connection and are open to learning through experience. My presence is warm and grounded, with room for honesty and humor. I track what’s happening between us in real time, especially where trust builds or slips, and where your choices open or narrow. This work is shaped by both trainings and lived experience. I consider both personal patterns and the larger forces that shape them, while affirming diverse identities, desires, and relationship structures.
In addition to my one on one work with clients, I train and mentor emerging surrogate partners for the Surrogate Partner Collective (SPC). My colleagues and I at the SPC have been working to evolve surrogate partner therapy in ways that better account for people’s lived experiences, while making the work more inclusive and accessible. I’ve also had the privilege of speaking on sexuality and intimacy at Stanford University and at the now defunct Center for Sex and Culture in San Francisco.
Outside of work, I am a voracious reader. I especially enjoy memoirs that blend personal stories with the wisdom of the natural world. I tend to myself through dance, time in nature, making art, and spending time in community. Some of my happiest moments happen in a cozy living room, sinking into deep, meaningful conversations with friends.
Media
Harper’s Bazaar: Surrogate Partner Therapy Is Controversial. But Could It Be More Important than Ever?
The New York Times: Therapy Where the Clothes Come Off (Sometimes)
Credentials
Masters in Psychology with an Emphasis on Counseling, Golden Gate University, 2016
Professional Certifications
Certified Somatica® Coach, in progress
Certified Surrogate Partner, International Professional Surrogates Association, 2015
Certified Sexological Bodyworker, Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, 2013
Professional Trainings
This list reflects my longer-form professional trainings. I continue to deepen my work through targeted classes, professional consultation, and self-directed study, with attention to how larger systems shape our experiences and relationships.
Advanced Strategies for Working with Sexual Trauma and Sexuality, Full Embodiment Model, 2022
Somatic Embodiment and Regulation Strategies, Linda Thai, 2022
Mindfulness Based Experiential Psychotherapy with Couples (Advanced), Hakomi Institute of California, 2019
Mindfulness Based Experiential Psychotherapy with Couples, Hakomi Institute of California, 2019
Emotionally Focused Therapy Externship, ICEEFT, 2018
Hakomi Professional Training Level 1, Hakomi Institute of California, 2018
Somatica Professional Training, Somatica Institute, 2014
Associations
Association of Certified Sexological Bodyworkers (ACSB)
International Professional Surrogates Association (IPSA)
Social
Follow me on Linked In
About Eileen Chao