This page offers clarity around the two experiential paths I work in: sex and intimacy coaching and Surrogate Partner Therapy (SPT). The right fit depends on how much structure and support you want around the work.
What These Approaches Have in Common
Before getting into the differences, here’s what they share. In both coaching and Surrogate Partner Therapy, I take on the role of your practice partner. The work centers on lived experience, where you practice new ways of relating and responding in real time.
Intimacy, Sex, and Relationship Coaching
I use the word coaching here primarily to distinguish this option from Surrogate Partner Therapy. In this context, coaching does not mean instruction or authority. I am your partner in the work.
In this modality, you work directly with me, without involving a therapist or additional clinician. This can be a good fit if you prefer to keep the process one-on-one. Coaching is available to all populations listed under my Areas of Focus.
Surrogate Partner Therapy
Surrogate Partner Therapy (SPT) is a collaborative model that involves three people: you, your mental health clinician, and me as your surrogate partner. Your clinician and I work as a coordinated team. With your consent, we stay in communication so your experiences can be supported from different angles.
Time with your clinician offers space to reflect on and integrate what you’re practicing with me, helping the learning carry into your everyday relationships. SPT can be a good fit if having a broader support system around the work feels important.
If you’re not currently working with a clinician, I can offer referrals. If you already have one, they don’t need to be a sex therapist or have prior experience with the triadic model. I regularly collaborate with clinicians from a wide range of backgrounds.
SPT works best when there is already a connection established between you and your clinician before I’m brought in. This is an intentional process that values pacing and care.
A Surrogate Partner Is Not a “Sex Surrogate”
You may have heard the term “sex surrogate,” which comes from an earlier era of this work. While the field has evolved significantly, public understanding has not kept pace.
Contemporary Surrogate Partner Therapy focuses on developing a deeper relationship with your body and inner experience, as well as building your capacity to co-create intimacy that feels mutual and responsive, rather than performed or managed.
As your surrogate partner, I’m not here to practice the mechanics of sex or to offer intimacy simply for the sake of having an experience. If your primary goal is sexual activity itself, a full-service sex worker would be a better fit.
Surrogate Partner Therapy Resources and Information
The Embrace Resource Group is a collective of surrogate partners focused outreach, education, and advancing the field of SPT. Their website includes podcasts and interviews with practicing surrogate partners, which can offer clarity about how this work looks in practice and address common misconceptions.
If you have questions about the ethics or legality of Surrogate Partner Therapy, this in-depth write-up offers a clear overview. (Short version: SPT is not illegal, and there is no documented evidence of therapists’ licenses being jeopardized for collaborating with surrogate partners.)
If you’re interested in the history of SPT and how the field has evolved, my colleague Andrew Heartman offers a thoughtful overview in this article.
Embrace offers informational calls for people who want to learn more about Surrogate Partner Therapy. If you’re not quite ready to schedule a consultation with me, this can be a helpful next step.
The Surrogate Partner Collective offers courses for clinicians interested in collaborating in the triadic model and supporting clients in integrating their experiences. (AASECT CEs available.)
Embrace offers a consultation group for clinicians working in the triadic model.
Considering Next Steps
I offer Surrogate Partner Therapy to all populations listed under Areas of Focus, with the exception of couples. If you’re part of a couple and one partner wishes to work with me individually, that is possible. I do not work with couples together in the surrogate partner role.
If you’re unsure which path might be right for you, a free consultation offers space to talk things through and ask questions. I work with a small number of clients at a time — the consultation is also how we both find out if it’s the right fit.
FAQs: Which Path Is Right for You — Coaching or Surrogate Partner Therapy?
Coaching is a direct two-person engagement. You work with me as your practice partner without involving another professional.
Surrogate partner therapy is a collaborative model involving you, a mental health clinician, and me working as a coordinated team. Your clinician and I stay in communication with your consent, so your experiences can be supported and integrated from different angles.
A free consultation is the right place to work that out. Both paths are practice-based and grounded in lived experience. The difference is mainly in the level of clinical support involved. Some people have a clear sense of which fits. Others need to talk it through first.
Only for surrogate partner therapy. Coaching does not require an existing clinical relationship. If you’re interested in SPT and don’t currently have a clinician, I can offer referrals. Your clinician doesn’t need prior experience with the triadic model. Openness and willingness to collaborate matter most.
The triadic model refers to the three-way collaborative relationship between the client, the surrogate partner, and a mental health clinician. All three work as a coordinated team.
The clinician provides therapeutic support and helps integrate what comes up in sessions with the surrogate partner. The surrogate partner works directly with the client on relational and intimacy capacities through lived experience.
The model was developed to ensure that this work happens within a supported clinical framework.
It depends on your goals. Work that doesn’t require touch can be done online. If touch is needed, a hybrid model is also possible. This combines regular virtual sessions with periodic in-person intensives in San Francisco.
It depends on what you’re working on and how often we meet. This work isn’t something that can be rushed and requires commitment. It’s also important to have an established relationship with your clinician before we begin, with enough trust and comfort built that you have a stable foundation to return to.
Real change happens on its own timeline. The consultation is a good place to get a clearer sense of what might be realistic for your situation.
Fees are discussed during the consultation. They are higher than typical talk therapy rates because this is experiential work. I’m not holding clinical distance. I’m engaged with you in the experience, bringing my full attention and emotional presence.
I keep a small caseload so I can stay fully present in the work.
No. Surrogate partner therapy is not covered by insurance. Coaching is also not billable through insurance. Both are private pay.
If you have a clinician involved in the triadic model, their sessions may be billable depending on your plan. That’s worth checking directly with them.
Start by sharing the challenges you’re experiencing around intimacy or connection. From there, let your therapist know you’ve learned about surrogate partner therapy and are curious whether it might be supportive.
They don’t need prior experience with the triadic model. You can share resources from this page as a starting point for that conversation.
“Sex surrogate” is the older, more commonly searched term for what is now called a surrogate partner. It is not an accurate representation of what surrogate partners do today, so we do not use that term to describe ourselves.
In contemporary surrogate partner therapy, the goal is building the relational, emotional, and intimacy capacities needed to co-create a sexual experience together and have more fulfilling connections. It is not about practicing the mechanics of sex.
If you found your way here searching for a sex surrogate in San Francisco and want to build the capacity for more fulfilling intimacy, surrogate partner therapy may be the right fit. If you are looking only to practice sexual mechanics, this is not the right modality.
A platonic surrogate partner is someone who works with you without any erotic or romantic dimension. This is one way of working, not the default.
Some people come specifically wanting to build a more comfortable relationship with their body or with closeness, to get clearer on their limits and needs, to practice asking for what they want, and to experience new ways of relating in real time. All within a platonic context.
For others, sexual and romantic energy is part of what we explore together. The scope is determined by what you’re actually working on.
Surrogate partner therapy is not illegal, and there is no documented evidence of therapists’ licenses being jeopardized for collaborating with surrogate partners.
No. Surrogate partner therapy is a clinically supported process focused on building relational capacity and developing intimacy that feels mutual and responsive. It is not oriented toward sexual activity as an end in itself.
That concern is valid, and it’s worth distinguishing between trafficking and consensual sex work. Trafficking involves coercion and exploitation. Consensual sex work is a chosen profession practiced by adults who have full agency over their limits, rates, and clients.
Many sex workers approach their work with care and professionalism. Learning about someone through their website or public writing can help you make choices aligned with your values
Sex therapy is a talk-based clinical modality practiced by licensed therapists. Sessions involve conversation about sexual concerns rather than direct experience.
Surrogate partner therapy is practice-based. Change happens through real relational experience with a surrogate partner rather than through conversation alone.
Sex therapy can be a valuable part of a treatment plan and is sometimes combined with surrogate partner therapy through the triadic model. If you’re unsure which is right for you, the consultation is the place to work that out.