Surrogate Partner Therapy

Surrogate Partner Therapy

What Is Surrogate Partner Therapy?

Surrogate Partner Therapy is a modality of sex therapy that consists of a three way therapeutic partnership between client, therapist and surrogate partner. The three of us work together as a team to help you reach your relationship or sexual goals. Physical and emotional intimacy is broken down into small digestible pieces, in order to help you expand your capacity for both. We will will work together to build rapport and develop social and emotional connections. Together we will investigate and discover what you need to feel a sense of safety and trust in intimate situations. There will be work done around vulnerability- being able to feel vulnerable by fully feeling emotions, being able to express vulnerability through communication. At a certain point nudity may be introduced if it aligns with your goals. This is not about sexual gratification, it’s about developing a sense of comfort with your own body and being with another body. There will be exercises throughout which help you stay relaxed and present in your body. You will learn how to get in touch with your desires and express them without inhibition or fear.

During the course of working together, it is fundamental for your therapist and I to maintain regular dialogues about our work with you. The involvement of a therapist is mandatory, and no ethical surrogate will do this work without one. If you do not have a therapist, I can provide a list of therapists in your area that have experience in working with surrogate partners. I am also open to working with therapists who have not worked with surrogate partners.

I do not engage in sexual activities with my clients. The focus of my work is on teaching you to be comfortable in your body, comfortable with giving and receiving touch, pleasure based medically accurate sex education, communication skills, and self regulation skills, all so that you can develop the ability to be comfortable in any situation, including sexual situations.

To learn more, please read this Harper’s Bazaar¬†interview where I talk about how I got into this work as the scope of work I do with my clients.

Who I Work With

I specialize in working with individuals who are trauma survivors, adult virgins or have minimal relationship and/or sexual experience. My clients also feel insurmountable barriers to connecting with people, or have a fear of and are avoidant of emotional and physical intimacy. Surrogate partner therapy is not appropriate for individuals who are currently in a relationship. If you are in a relationship, please check out my coaching practice.

Session Length

Appointments are typically 75 minutes in length, once a week. Appointments can also be increased in 15 minute increments if you feel like you need more time. I see my clients in my office in San Francisco.

If you do not live in the San Francisco Bay Area, you have the option of an intensive. Intensives are generally 6-15 days, 3 hours a day. You will also need to be meeting with a therapist during this time. It may also be a possibility for me to travel to you for an intensive.

Learn more about the modalities my work is based on >

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